Monday, November 21, 2011

Where Does A Parent Go Wrong?

Whenever a child develops the stigma of being "bad" or "unruly" or "disrespectful", a riptide of blame shoots out in all directions.  The child is blamed, the neighborhood is blamed, the parents are blamed, the schools are blamed, the media is blamed.  Blame flying in all directions and then treatments for the cause are applied.  The result is handled like a case of the chicken pox or a common cold.  Apply these, take this, drink that, stay away from that and you should be fine.

The sad part is that the treatments used for handling a troubled child, like a disease, leave long lasting effects on the child with the root or cause of the behavior never being addressed.

So in all of this, where does the parent's responsibility lie?

When a child ends up on the "wrong side of the tracks", at what point did the parents slip up?

First of all, a parent is different from a mom or a dad.  A mom or dad is just the participant in the bringing of the child to this plane while a parent is one who is going to be responsible for that child until the child is able to handle themselves in the world.

From this point, the answer to the above question is...A parent doesn't slip up.  Mom's and Dad's slip up.

The first two years of a child's life are very important in that the imprint of the mother is placed on that child for life.  Whether that imprint is of love, devotion, care and concern or of indifference, apathy, distance and enmity is completely up to the parent unit.  This is when the mother gives the child their first education.

From ages 2 to 5, the child begins to develop a relationship with the world around them.  If the mom was successful in bonding during the first two years, the next three years will be a piece of cake.  If not, the mom and/or dad will have to deal with what society calls the Terrible Two's, Three's and Four's, and by the time the child reaches five, they already have an estranged relationship with their parents.  These are the children who continuously talk without listening, constantly asking questions so that they fill their mental arsenal for constant attacks on the psyche of the parent.  These children become disrespectful, answering "What?" when they are addressed and are on a path to "the wrong side of the tracks".

Some manage to get turned around before it's too late but who they are turned around by get the respect and love that was supposed to be directed towards the mom or dad.  This is why our children fall in love with all the outside institutions that Western society has set up that pulls them away from their parents (boy and girl scouts, schools, organized sports, ymca's, malls, etc.)

This is the fracturing of the family unit that has been happening for hundreds of years for the sake of capitalistic control.

These children who are becoming latchkey younger and younger become the teenagers that society warns us about.  The dangerous beings who have no concern for human life and no respect for authority.  This gives them all the reasoning they need to build more jails and detention centers and since we as the population have become so content with being governed instead of governing ourselves, we watch it happen then complain when it encroaches upon our lifestyles...weird...

So in essence, a true parent doesn't get it wrong because they are hands on in the family and how their children turn out is a direct reflection of that.  It's the mom's and dad's who drop the ball when it comes to the grooming and upbringing of our children.

So, the real question is...Are you a Mom/Dad or are you a Parent?

peace, light and love

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